Tanmark's Arctic Ice Fighter "Vito" (11.12.2006 - 22.08.2017)
On the first anniversary of Vito's death, her owner, Barbi, described everything how and what happened in the last couple of weeks. We want to share with everyone how they went through together.
22th of July
I've never wrote about losing Vito, but today is the day when our nightmare started a year ago. Since then I couldn't make tribute video nor can write nice words about him for remembering, because it still hurts like hell, but I can remember him with writing down his story, with the milestones we had, maybe it will help someone to recognise, and to deal with the most horrible illness on Earth....hemangiosarcoma.
We all know well the whinig sound, when our dogs are dreaming. That day I woke up for this sound...an intense whining. I always wake him up when it happens, to calm him down, as I tried that morning as well, but he didn't react to my voice for the first time. In that moment I realized, there were something wrong. As I slept on a loftbed, I literally fell from it to my knees, and I saw my baby laying on his side but his body was tense, his limbs were rigid and a bit seizuring, his neck was stretched the head layed in his chin and his eyes were gazing...to nowhere...he was unresponsive...i grabed him in that minute to start cpr immediately if it is necessary, but all in a sudden he started to react me. He started to knock on the floor with his tail, and in the next second he woke up and started the morning greating ceremony. Oh, thanks god, I thought it was something like an epileptogenic seizure (he never had before, but aussies are prone to have and he was 10,5 years old). As he peed under himself during the episode, I gave him breakfast, while I dressed up, and we went for a walk. He seemed happy , he sniffed around, but when I wanted to make a bigger round with him, he seemed dejected. That was the point when I examined his gums, they were pale white. I called my friend immediately and we drove to the hospital. As he seemed tired but stabile we had to wait some time, durint the wait he got better. When our turn came his gums were a bit more rosy and he acted like the old himself. The vet examined his blood with a quick test, and examined his whole body. He didn't show any pain...as he never did it before (aussies are tough). His blood parameters, tha red blood cell count, the hematocrit, the hemoglobine and the platelet count was a bit under the normal range, but nothing serious. His heartbeats were strange...the vet heard cardiac arrhytmia, so she put our ultrasound appointment ahead from 7th of August, to Monday, 24th of July. They thought about some epileptogenic seizure, so they asked me to record the next one at home, and call them immediately, when it happens. He had another symptom, which I’ve never seen mentioned in relation with hemangiosarcoma, nor with massive blood loss, but now, I’m pretty sure, that it is a marker. He never had bad breth, but that day I felt a sourish smell from his mouth. At that point I thought he probably had diabetes, as diabetic ketoacidosis produce some strange smell. I asked the vet, but as she found normal glucose levels in Vito’s blood, she said, almost every old dog has smelly breath, and Vito’s breath is not that bad. She comforted me a bit, and I remembered to learn, that during stress (as an epileptogen seizure) saliva become a bit more mucinous, with less water in it, that could cause the bad breath. Yes, as we got to know later, massive fliud loss can cause smelly breath.
We went home, and he almost slept the day. That is fairly normal after a seizure, the only thing that was strange, that he was immediately aware after the episode, and that is not like epilepsy at all. The afternoon and the next day was event free, he was tired but his old himself. We meet our friends and took slow and not that long walks.
These were the days, when I realized that he really grew old. I thought I had to pay more attention, but I've never thought that those were the first steps of a cruelly short path of losing him 😢
I've never wrote about losing Vito, but today is the day when our nightmare started a year ago. Since then I couldn't make tribute video nor can write nice words about him for remembering, because it still hurts like hell, but I can remember him with writing down his story, with the milestones we had, maybe it will help someone to recognise, and to deal with the most horrible illness on Earth....hemangiosarcoma.
We all know well the whinig sound, when our dogs are dreaming. That day I woke up for this sound...an intense whining. I always wake him up when it happens, to calm him down, as I tried that morning as well, but he didn't react to my voice for the first time. In that moment I realized, there were something wrong. As I slept on a loftbed, I literally fell from it to my knees, and I saw my baby laying on his side but his body was tense, his limbs were rigid and a bit seizuring, his neck was stretched the head layed in his chin and his eyes were gazing...to nowhere...he was unresponsive...i grabed him in that minute to start cpr immediately if it is necessary, but all in a sudden he started to react me. He started to knock on the floor with his tail, and in the next second he woke up and started the morning greating ceremony. Oh, thanks god, I thought it was something like an epileptogenic seizure (he never had before, but aussies are prone to have and he was 10,5 years old). As he peed under himself during the episode, I gave him breakfast, while I dressed up, and we went for a walk. He seemed happy , he sniffed around, but when I wanted to make a bigger round with him, he seemed dejected. That was the point when I examined his gums, they were pale white. I called my friend immediately and we drove to the hospital. As he seemed tired but stabile we had to wait some time, durint the wait he got better. When our turn came his gums were a bit more rosy and he acted like the old himself. The vet examined his blood with a quick test, and examined his whole body. He didn't show any pain...as he never did it before (aussies are tough). His blood parameters, tha red blood cell count, the hematocrit, the hemoglobine and the platelet count was a bit under the normal range, but nothing serious. His heartbeats were strange...the vet heard cardiac arrhytmia, so she put our ultrasound appointment ahead from 7th of August, to Monday, 24th of July. They thought about some epileptogenic seizure, so they asked me to record the next one at home, and call them immediately, when it happens. He had another symptom, which I’ve never seen mentioned in relation with hemangiosarcoma, nor with massive blood loss, but now, I’m pretty sure, that it is a marker. He never had bad breth, but that day I felt a sourish smell from his mouth. At that point I thought he probably had diabetes, as diabetic ketoacidosis produce some strange smell. I asked the vet, but as she found normal glucose levels in Vito’s blood, she said, almost every old dog has smelly breath, and Vito’s breath is not that bad. She comforted me a bit, and I remembered to learn, that during stress (as an epileptogen seizure) saliva become a bit more mucinous, with less water in it, that could cause the bad breath. Yes, as we got to know later, massive fliud loss can cause smelly breath.
We went home, and he almost slept the day. That is fairly normal after a seizure, the only thing that was strange, that he was immediately aware after the episode, and that is not like epilepsy at all. The afternoon and the next day was event free, he was tired but his old himself. We meet our friends and took slow and not that long walks.
These were the days, when I realized that he really grew old. I thought I had to pay more attention, but I've never thought that those were the first steps of a cruelly short path of losing him 😢
24th of July
We had the appointment for Vito's heart ultrasound exam. We woke up with the greeting ceremony we always had during the decade, he ate his breakfast, and while I took a shower, he went back to sleep a bit. Everything seemed perfect, he was lively as usual, while I was a bit excited, as last summer, the vet said that next year we probably have to support Vito's heart with medicines, so I felt good about helping his heart functioning easier again. We were ready to go, but in the beginning of our walk to the bus stop (as we had to go by public transportation) he seemed terribly tired again, I checked his gums, and they were pale white. I slowed down my steps, and I kindly asked him to keep up. We had to change lines 2 times, but public transportation almost takes us from house to house, so we didn't have to walk long distances. Vito was tired, but seemed stabile when we arrived. After about 20 minutes we were called to the ultrasound room. I put him on the table, he was as calm and well behaved as usual, and the vet started to examine him. How can the whole world totally collapse in a second, I nearly fainted as I heard the vet's words from the distance. He said that Vito's belly was full of fluid, and he saw a ruptued 6 cm diameter tumor on the spleen. The tumor word constantly echoed in my mind. I came here to hear that he is aging, and we should treat his heart with some medications, but that was not the case at all. He searched for metastasis in a hurry, what he didn't find (thanks God), and he took a sample with a huge needle from Vito's belly (Vito tolerated it without a single movement <3)..there was pure blood in the syringe. The examination took only a few minutes, vets were so aware, they said they had to take Vito right away for surgery to save his life, because by that time 1,5 liter of his blood were in his belly. They asked me if I agreed...hell of a question it was. They took him away immediately while another vet started to explaine me the situation. I tried to understand, but my tears chocked me like hell. They said, they did their best to save his life, and they asked me to go home. How could I leave him there fighting for his life alone, so I went out into the garden to be around. I wanted him to feel my presence during the surgery, I wanted to stay as close as I could whatever would happen. It was a long surgery, but he and his vets did wonderful! I was thrilled. I was able to go home now to be able to come back during the visiting hours, to greet him and took him for a short walk. He was so tired, and his movement was uncertain with his cone around his head, but at the same time he was pleased with me. For some instants I saw sadness in his eyes, but only a half of his blood remained for keeping his alive, and he had a huge scar, too, so that was fairly normal. I brought him food, and after the walk the nurse let me feed him, and give him his medications. His appetite was not the best, that scared me a bit, and the vet said, that he had to survive today's night without bleeding in the belly, and then he will be allright. They said that I could call them after the vet's visit at 9:30 am...one of the most terrible night in my life came, with counting the hours one after the others. But he made it, he felt much better next day. He needed to stay there for 3 days, for being strong enough to return home. Every morning I called them up (hell of an annoying owner I was), and I was there for walking, feeding him and giving him his medications during the visiting hours. He became stronger and stronger each day. They let me do everything I wanted, I could change the stringe for his collar in the cone as well. The nurse loved him so much, she said Vito was a bit aloof with strangers (he growled at the visiting vets, well that is normal from a strong male aussie) but he was so gentle with her and obbedient. She drew a little heart after Vito's name on all of his medication boxes. That melted my heart, everyone loved Vito all his life, wherever he appeared.
We had the appointment for Vito's heart ultrasound exam. We woke up with the greeting ceremony we always had during the decade, he ate his breakfast, and while I took a shower, he went back to sleep a bit. Everything seemed perfect, he was lively as usual, while I was a bit excited, as last summer, the vet said that next year we probably have to support Vito's heart with medicines, so I felt good about helping his heart functioning easier again. We were ready to go, but in the beginning of our walk to the bus stop (as we had to go by public transportation) he seemed terribly tired again, I checked his gums, and they were pale white. I slowed down my steps, and I kindly asked him to keep up. We had to change lines 2 times, but public transportation almost takes us from house to house, so we didn't have to walk long distances. Vito was tired, but seemed stabile when we arrived. After about 20 minutes we were called to the ultrasound room. I put him on the table, he was as calm and well behaved as usual, and the vet started to examine him. How can the whole world totally collapse in a second, I nearly fainted as I heard the vet's words from the distance. He said that Vito's belly was full of fluid, and he saw a ruptued 6 cm diameter tumor on the spleen. The tumor word constantly echoed in my mind. I came here to hear that he is aging, and we should treat his heart with some medications, but that was not the case at all. He searched for metastasis in a hurry, what he didn't find (thanks God), and he took a sample with a huge needle from Vito's belly (Vito tolerated it without a single movement <3)..there was pure blood in the syringe. The examination took only a few minutes, vets were so aware, they said they had to take Vito right away for surgery to save his life, because by that time 1,5 liter of his blood were in his belly. They asked me if I agreed...hell of a question it was. They took him away immediately while another vet started to explaine me the situation. I tried to understand, but my tears chocked me like hell. They said, they did their best to save his life, and they asked me to go home. How could I leave him there fighting for his life alone, so I went out into the garden to be around. I wanted him to feel my presence during the surgery, I wanted to stay as close as I could whatever would happen. It was a long surgery, but he and his vets did wonderful! I was thrilled. I was able to go home now to be able to come back during the visiting hours, to greet him and took him for a short walk. He was so tired, and his movement was uncertain with his cone around his head, but at the same time he was pleased with me. For some instants I saw sadness in his eyes, but only a half of his blood remained for keeping his alive, and he had a huge scar, too, so that was fairly normal. I brought him food, and after the walk the nurse let me feed him, and give him his medications. His appetite was not the best, that scared me a bit, and the vet said, that he had to survive today's night without bleeding in the belly, and then he will be allright. They said that I could call them after the vet's visit at 9:30 am...one of the most terrible night in my life came, with counting the hours one after the others. But he made it, he felt much better next day. He needed to stay there for 3 days, for being strong enough to return home. Every morning I called them up (hell of an annoying owner I was), and I was there for walking, feeding him and giving him his medications during the visiting hours. He became stronger and stronger each day. They let me do everything I wanted, I could change the stringe for his collar in the cone as well. The nurse loved him so much, she said Vito was a bit aloof with strangers (he growled at the visiting vets, well that is normal from a strong male aussie) but he was so gentle with her and obbedient. She drew a little heart after Vito's name on all of his medication boxes. That melted my heart, everyone loved Vito all his life, wherever he appeared.
26th of July
The vet said, if everything goes well he can come home in the afternoon. I was over the first shock, but I couldn't find my place at home. I cleaned the flat, two times...once on the day of the surgery, to spending those terrible hours of waiting until morning..and once on Tuesday evening. I wanted every corner of our home to be perfectly clean by the time Vito comes home. I searched for all the food (seeds, spices, liver etc.) which can help him to produce red blood cells and regain his energy, and I chose a receipe of cookie for dogs and I baked "bloodproducingcookies" for him. From that time that was his everyday treat and he loved it so much.
I couldn't wait the moment to pick my Vito up at the hospital, hours passed slower than ever before. One of my friends came to help us bringing him home, and she was amazed, how good condition Vito was in. He was tired, but excitet to come home as well, he searched the flat carefully after some food and toy and greeted Titti, who was extraordinarily happy in her elegant cat way. I built his cage, and with his cone around his head I closed him inside....he loved his cage, but this time he was not impressed at all, however, after those things he went throught during the last days, he even was not surprised. He had a large scar, I wanted him to be safe, without toutching it. But he was hell of a good boy, so an hour later I "let him free", and a T-shirt around his belly replaced his cone. He slept a lot, and we took slow, and moderately long walks with friends, he played with Titti, he ate his bloodproducingcookies regularly and he started to regain his energy and act like my good old boy. I regularly checked his gums, to see his progress. I was a bit worried about the histological result, but as our vet said that there was only one tumor in the spleen and no metastasis at all in the close tissues in the belly (I asked him for writing it down for me), which has given rise to the hope that the tumor is benign (because in general a malignant spleen tumor gives metastasis by the time of the diagnosis). And there were a lot of fortunate aspects during the unfortunate situation, and because of them I really believed that God wanted me to save his life.
So, the next event was the arrival of the result of the histological examination on 2nd of August.
The vet said, if everything goes well he can come home in the afternoon. I was over the first shock, but I couldn't find my place at home. I cleaned the flat, two times...once on the day of the surgery, to spending those terrible hours of waiting until morning..and once on Tuesday evening. I wanted every corner of our home to be perfectly clean by the time Vito comes home. I searched for all the food (seeds, spices, liver etc.) which can help him to produce red blood cells and regain his energy, and I chose a receipe of cookie for dogs and I baked "bloodproducingcookies" for him. From that time that was his everyday treat and he loved it so much.
I couldn't wait the moment to pick my Vito up at the hospital, hours passed slower than ever before. One of my friends came to help us bringing him home, and she was amazed, how good condition Vito was in. He was tired, but excitet to come home as well, he searched the flat carefully after some food and toy and greeted Titti, who was extraordinarily happy in her elegant cat way. I built his cage, and with his cone around his head I closed him inside....he loved his cage, but this time he was not impressed at all, however, after those things he went throught during the last days, he even was not surprised. He had a large scar, I wanted him to be safe, without toutching it. But he was hell of a good boy, so an hour later I "let him free", and a T-shirt around his belly replaced his cone. He slept a lot, and we took slow, and moderately long walks with friends, he played with Titti, he ate his bloodproducingcookies regularly and he started to regain his energy and act like my good old boy. I regularly checked his gums, to see his progress. I was a bit worried about the histological result, but as our vet said that there was only one tumor in the spleen and no metastasis at all in the close tissues in the belly (I asked him for writing it down for me), which has given rise to the hope that the tumor is benign (because in general a malignant spleen tumor gives metastasis by the time of the diagnosis). And there were a lot of fortunate aspects during the unfortunate situation, and because of them I really believed that God wanted me to save his life.
So, the next event was the arrival of the result of the histological examination on 2nd of August.
1st of August
The vet said earlier, that the result of the histological examination would take 2 weeks, so I opened unseeingly my mailbox while I was drinking my coffe in the morning. Having the email with the result totally shocked me, and since then events have accelerated. I ran through the text immediately, like everytime, when I was not seriously afraid of the worst possible. The longer text was about the cell structure, the form of the nucleus and the nucleolus, the presence of some vacuoles in the citosol and something about the mitotic activity...I'm a biologist, but not an oncologist, they said nothing to me at first sight about the malignancy of Vito's condition. I found the word HEMATOMA so I was hopeful for an instant, then I read on the text, and there was the diagnosis...it said Vito had hemangiosarcoma, grade III.
I was totally shocked, and confused. By then I've read a lot about hematomas, hemangiomas and hemangiosarcomas, our chances to have each of them based on Vito's situation, and what are our options if the worst happens. I've already knew, that with the surgery alone, we had only 20 to 60 days post diagnosis together...and the time was ticking away. The race with the time has started, meanwhile I knew, when people compete with higher power, almost unable to win. I called up the best oncologist in Hungary, I cried for help and I asked for an appointment...he tried to comfort me, he said, they had some treatment methods for hemangio...we had our appointment on 8th of August. Only a week to survive, and then everything would be allright. During the week, I called up the lab, which examined the Vito's sample, to ask again, if the vet was sure about the result (she said yes :( )...and meanwhile I searched for the occurrence of false positive result of histological examinations. This week was enough for me to read all the possible articles about chemotherapy for dogs for hemangiosarcoma, about the two ways, the conventional one (doxorubicin intravenously) and the orally administered low dose metronomic version (cyclophosphmide and etoposide). I've already knew that I could only extend his life with a maximum of 136 days with the conventional one, while the metronomic version was a bit better, about 176 days....still tragically short. Somehow I still believed, that life only made a bad joke with us, and I thought I'd just get up one day and find out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding. It never happened. During the week we had an appointment with Vito's former vet, who did his bloodwork and his parameters was getting better....maybe the bloodproducingcookie worked....and I also seriously believed that a healing kiss with my deepest love for his belly every night before sleep, saves him from metastasis.
The vet said earlier, that the result of the histological examination would take 2 weeks, so I opened unseeingly my mailbox while I was drinking my coffe in the morning. Having the email with the result totally shocked me, and since then events have accelerated. I ran through the text immediately, like everytime, when I was not seriously afraid of the worst possible. The longer text was about the cell structure, the form of the nucleus and the nucleolus, the presence of some vacuoles in the citosol and something about the mitotic activity...I'm a biologist, but not an oncologist, they said nothing to me at first sight about the malignancy of Vito's condition. I found the word HEMATOMA so I was hopeful for an instant, then I read on the text, and there was the diagnosis...it said Vito had hemangiosarcoma, grade III.
I was totally shocked, and confused. By then I've read a lot about hematomas, hemangiomas and hemangiosarcomas, our chances to have each of them based on Vito's situation, and what are our options if the worst happens. I've already knew, that with the surgery alone, we had only 20 to 60 days post diagnosis together...and the time was ticking away. The race with the time has started, meanwhile I knew, when people compete with higher power, almost unable to win. I called up the best oncologist in Hungary, I cried for help and I asked for an appointment...he tried to comfort me, he said, they had some treatment methods for hemangio...we had our appointment on 8th of August. Only a week to survive, and then everything would be allright. During the week, I called up the lab, which examined the Vito's sample, to ask again, if the vet was sure about the result (she said yes :( )...and meanwhile I searched for the occurrence of false positive result of histological examinations. This week was enough for me to read all the possible articles about chemotherapy for dogs for hemangiosarcoma, about the two ways, the conventional one (doxorubicin intravenously) and the orally administered low dose metronomic version (cyclophosphmide and etoposide). I've already knew that I could only extend his life with a maximum of 136 days with the conventional one, while the metronomic version was a bit better, about 176 days....still tragically short. Somehow I still believed, that life only made a bad joke with us, and I thought I'd just get up one day and find out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding. It never happened. During the week we had an appointment with Vito's former vet, who did his bloodwork and his parameters was getting better....maybe the bloodproducingcookie worked....and I also seriously believed that a healing kiss with my deepest love for his belly every night before sleep, saves him from metastasis.
8th of August
The day of our appiontment with the oncologist had arrived. Previously I had send him all of our papers, so he was well prepared about our case. I was terribly excited and worried at the same time. He started to ask questions, to get to know us, our relationship and my state of mind. Before examining Vito he said, that having grade 3 hemangiosarcoma was one of the worst scenario we could face with. Most of the dogs have already have metastasis all over their body by the time of the diagnosis. I told him that we were fortunate, because Vito had only one tumor on the spleen by the time of the surgery. He said, "yes, but that was 2 weeks earlier, so try to prepare yourself what we will find with the ultrasound and the x-ray. I almost cried, but I kept up. We talked about the treatment possibilities. His first suggestion was the conventional chemotherapy (doxorubicin intravenously) based on the aggressiveness of our condition. I asked him if he could heal Vito, but he said no, we only could earn some weeks or maybe months together. Then a case was told about a dog, who had received four convetional doxorubicin treatment, and when they wanted to switch to the metronomic (daily, low dose, orally) chemotherapy, the dog suddenly died. So, he didn't promise us magical healing. As I mentioned earlier, I had read a lot about the possible treatments, and I didn't want to poison Vito with high dose citotoxic agents, just to receive few more weeks together. They said that dogs tolerate better chemo than people...but I knew, that people don't necessarily perceive well their dogs condition and feelings without that somehow rear harmony and understanding between them. Vito and his welfare is my responsibility from the moment of his birth, it took me a long time to get Vito's trust, but by then he had been trusting in me perfectly. I had to set aside myself, and I had to keep in mind only Vito's well-being. The vet said that 3 months was a long time compared to the lifespan of a dog, but I think time goes by with the same speed for them than for us. So I asked for the daily low dose orally chemotherapy for Vito. The vet was not happy about my decision, and he said if I didn't want the conventional treatment the examinations were unnecessary. That time I couldn't hold back my tears and I asked for the whole examination of Vito as frequently as we could do, to follow the progress of his condition, to make the final decision of letting him go peacefully in time. (Metastasis often appears on the right atrium of the heart, the rupture cause pericardial bleeding, which makes difficult the work of the heart; the other location is usually the lung, and the rupture cause bleeding, fluid into the lungs, and drowning....I wanted to avoid these two possibilities, and to be with him, when time comes to sent him forever dreaming peacfully). Something happened at this point the vet changed somehow, maybe he realized, that my decision didn't based on the money, but the result of a long and conscious research work, and my deepest love for Vito. He asked Vito to the table, and we started the ultrasound examination. I only had to ask everything from Vito once, the vet was totally impressed. He said he loved the way I handled Vito, and he rearly had seen a relationship like we had before during his practice. And he sometimes just standed watching us and repeated it every time I asked something new from Vito. I was incredibly proud of him, as I was always during all of our life together. ❤️ Ultrasound of the belly and the heart was magically clear, as well as the two sided x-ray of the chest. I hardly believed it, it was one of the happiest day in my life. I thought we caught that shit, and we were in good hands in time, so we would kick the ass of hemangio, and we would beat it. Happiest day ever, I can't tell you how much I was relieved. We picked up our meds, discussed the treatment thoroughly, and the vet sent us on our way. A week later new doses of meds, three weeks later further examinations, these were the plans. And the vet let us go back to mantrailing trainings. Yeeeey.
The day of our appiontment with the oncologist had arrived. Previously I had send him all of our papers, so he was well prepared about our case. I was terribly excited and worried at the same time. He started to ask questions, to get to know us, our relationship and my state of mind. Before examining Vito he said, that having grade 3 hemangiosarcoma was one of the worst scenario we could face with. Most of the dogs have already have metastasis all over their body by the time of the diagnosis. I told him that we were fortunate, because Vito had only one tumor on the spleen by the time of the surgery. He said, "yes, but that was 2 weeks earlier, so try to prepare yourself what we will find with the ultrasound and the x-ray. I almost cried, but I kept up. We talked about the treatment possibilities. His first suggestion was the conventional chemotherapy (doxorubicin intravenously) based on the aggressiveness of our condition. I asked him if he could heal Vito, but he said no, we only could earn some weeks or maybe months together. Then a case was told about a dog, who had received four convetional doxorubicin treatment, and when they wanted to switch to the metronomic (daily, low dose, orally) chemotherapy, the dog suddenly died. So, he didn't promise us magical healing. As I mentioned earlier, I had read a lot about the possible treatments, and I didn't want to poison Vito with high dose citotoxic agents, just to receive few more weeks together. They said that dogs tolerate better chemo than people...but I knew, that people don't necessarily perceive well their dogs condition and feelings without that somehow rear harmony and understanding between them. Vito and his welfare is my responsibility from the moment of his birth, it took me a long time to get Vito's trust, but by then he had been trusting in me perfectly. I had to set aside myself, and I had to keep in mind only Vito's well-being. The vet said that 3 months was a long time compared to the lifespan of a dog, but I think time goes by with the same speed for them than for us. So I asked for the daily low dose orally chemotherapy for Vito. The vet was not happy about my decision, and he said if I didn't want the conventional treatment the examinations were unnecessary. That time I couldn't hold back my tears and I asked for the whole examination of Vito as frequently as we could do, to follow the progress of his condition, to make the final decision of letting him go peacefully in time. (Metastasis often appears on the right atrium of the heart, the rupture cause pericardial bleeding, which makes difficult the work of the heart; the other location is usually the lung, and the rupture cause bleeding, fluid into the lungs, and drowning....I wanted to avoid these two possibilities, and to be with him, when time comes to sent him forever dreaming peacfully). Something happened at this point the vet changed somehow, maybe he realized, that my decision didn't based on the money, but the result of a long and conscious research work, and my deepest love for Vito. He asked Vito to the table, and we started the ultrasound examination. I only had to ask everything from Vito once, the vet was totally impressed. He said he loved the way I handled Vito, and he rearly had seen a relationship like we had before during his practice. And he sometimes just standed watching us and repeated it every time I asked something new from Vito. I was incredibly proud of him, as I was always during all of our life together. ❤️ Ultrasound of the belly and the heart was magically clear, as well as the two sided x-ray of the chest. I hardly believed it, it was one of the happiest day in my life. I thought we caught that shit, and we were in good hands in time, so we would kick the ass of hemangio, and we would beat it. Happiest day ever, I can't tell you how much I was relieved. We picked up our meds, discussed the treatment thoroughly, and the vet sent us on our way. A week later new doses of meds, three weeks later further examinations, these were the plans. And the vet let us go back to mantrailing trainings. Yeeeey.
17th of August
I had to go back to work, after a 2 weeks break. With the help of one of my best friends we installed a webcam to the living room and with an app I could check Vito any time I just wanted, and I could speak to him as well. I changed my daily routine, I came home every day around 14h to take Vito for a walk (as chemo could have bad influence on the renal system too) and to see, if he had felt OK. They said that dogs tolerate better chemo than people...but I knew, that people don't necessarily perceive well their dogs feelings and states without that somehow rear harmony between them. I knew that Vito felt bad after taking his daily chemo even if it was low dose. He always received his dose when I arrived home after work, and 1,5 hours before the evening walk. I sat beside him on the floor, caressing him, he always slowed down after his dose, searched for a place to have a bit of sleep, but he was panting and he was restless. For first he received his dose in yoghurt, so I could change tastes between the days to cheat him 😢. Once the yoghurt didn't work anymore I changed it to patè, he took it happily again. I succeded, but it hurt my soul like hell. I felt that I poisoned him, even if I knew that I was doing my best to save him. On wednesday I couldn't cheat him any more, he turned to me asking with his eyes: why are you hurting me? I cried and I asked him to forgive me, and kindly ask him to took his dose. He turned back and he ate it unwillingly and slowly, but he did, and he did it only for me. My heart was broken....he believed me even in those times when me myself wasn't sure, that I was right. He was the best dog in the world, I was sure, I could ever ask for...
On Thursday he refused to eat his breakfast, I was seriusly worried, he only did this before, when there was some serious behind his behavior. I called up his onco vet, who said not to give him his dose for 4 days, and visit him with Vito after our mantrailing training, he wanted to examine him, and give us some medicine to his stomach, to feel better. He later finished his brunch 😊. An afternoon without his dose... lovely, both of us felt better. That was a really hot summer day, but Vito did his best on the training. We practiced high signal...That was a calm, silente and lovely afternoon among the old walls of Csepel Muvek. We were in a rush to reach the onco vet, we arrived a few minutes before 8. Vito run inside, and said hello to the staff with his loud and masculine bark, as usual. Our vet was surprised and so happy seeing Vito in such high spirits. He gave us his meds, took a sample from one of his bumps on his skin, and listened his heart, beated perfectly. I tried to be hopeful, but a grey cloud of reality always surrounded us.
On Saturday we were invited to our friends home to a grill party, after our evening walk. Vito was a bit sleepy, but both of us enjoyed it a lot.
On Monday I had to call the vet for further instructions, and about the skin bump's histological result.
Our mantrailing work that afternoon, later turned out to be the last 😢 💔
https://youtu.be/cchmIR5H-TU
I had to go back to work, after a 2 weeks break. With the help of one of my best friends we installed a webcam to the living room and with an app I could check Vito any time I just wanted, and I could speak to him as well. I changed my daily routine, I came home every day around 14h to take Vito for a walk (as chemo could have bad influence on the renal system too) and to see, if he had felt OK. They said that dogs tolerate better chemo than people...but I knew, that people don't necessarily perceive well their dogs feelings and states without that somehow rear harmony between them. I knew that Vito felt bad after taking his daily chemo even if it was low dose. He always received his dose when I arrived home after work, and 1,5 hours before the evening walk. I sat beside him on the floor, caressing him, he always slowed down after his dose, searched for a place to have a bit of sleep, but he was panting and he was restless. For first he received his dose in yoghurt, so I could change tastes between the days to cheat him 😢. Once the yoghurt didn't work anymore I changed it to patè, he took it happily again. I succeded, but it hurt my soul like hell. I felt that I poisoned him, even if I knew that I was doing my best to save him. On wednesday I couldn't cheat him any more, he turned to me asking with his eyes: why are you hurting me? I cried and I asked him to forgive me, and kindly ask him to took his dose. He turned back and he ate it unwillingly and slowly, but he did, and he did it only for me. My heart was broken....he believed me even in those times when me myself wasn't sure, that I was right. He was the best dog in the world, I was sure, I could ever ask for...
On Thursday he refused to eat his breakfast, I was seriusly worried, he only did this before, when there was some serious behind his behavior. I called up his onco vet, who said not to give him his dose for 4 days, and visit him with Vito after our mantrailing training, he wanted to examine him, and give us some medicine to his stomach, to feel better. He later finished his brunch 😊. An afternoon without his dose... lovely, both of us felt better. That was a really hot summer day, but Vito did his best on the training. We practiced high signal...That was a calm, silente and lovely afternoon among the old walls of Csepel Muvek. We were in a rush to reach the onco vet, we arrived a few minutes before 8. Vito run inside, and said hello to the staff with his loud and masculine bark, as usual. Our vet was surprised and so happy seeing Vito in such high spirits. He gave us his meds, took a sample from one of his bumps on his skin, and listened his heart, beated perfectly. I tried to be hopeful, but a grey cloud of reality always surrounded us.
On Saturday we were invited to our friends home to a grill party, after our evening walk. Vito was a bit sleepy, but both of us enjoyed it a lot.
On Monday I had to call the vet for further instructions, and about the skin bump's histological result.
Our mantrailing work that afternoon, later turned out to be the last 😢 💔
https://youtu.be/cchmIR5H-TU
21th of August
On Monday I called up the vet, to ask about the skin bump histology result. It turned out to be nothing serious, thanks God.
I read a lot on the weekend about the side effects of Etoposide and its appropriate dose for humans, and I asked the opinion of our toxicology expert in our lab. He asked me to tell our story because he had some human oncology experience, but he knew nothing about hemangiosarcoma, that is mainly affect dogs, almost never humans, cats and horses. I told him the whole story, and when I said that the ultrasound 2 weeks earlier didn't show distant metastasis, he said, that US is not an imiging technology sensitive enough to consider Vito's belly clear. I was a bit shocked, but I didn't want to believe him. The webcam captured Vito sleeping in his couch peacefully. I went home at 2 to walk with him, he greeted me happily, but on the walk he seemed a bit sleepy...that was a hot summer day, so I didn't think that something was bad. Before leaving home as every day, I made pics about his gums, with and without flash. There was a series of pics about his gum color improvement (his treat was still the bloodproducing cookie). That day I didn't like the color of his gum. It seemed lighter rosy than last time. As soon as I returned to work me and my collegues tried to make sure that there was nothing wrong with Vito based on his gum color. They tried to convince me that I was paranoid...and that was so true by that time. After work I run home, and I gave him his dose, and we went to our regular evening walk with our friends. Vito seemed a bit tired, but he made the whole walk willingly. As the evening was still hot I could explain his behavior, but somehow I had a bad feeling. I didn't speak during the walk, I couldn't loose up for a minute. I checked his gums every other minute, and smelled his mouth regularly. Shit....I thought I feel the same smell of his breath than on the day of his internal bleeding. I was tense, worried and deeply sad...and I was tired as well, I spent all of my energy to try to keep my Love alive. It was strange, when we said goodbye to eachother, we didn't speak about our next day plans....we always did before. My friends carressed Vito before leaving, I think they also felt somewhere deep inside, that that was our last walk together. We went home, I gave him his dinner, he ate it with pleasure, he took his meds, and I asked him to go to bed. I was up at late night, checked his breath and his heart regularly. i felt like he had some arrythmia, and his breath was shortened. I...k.n.e.w...t.h.e.s.e....s.i.g.n.s.....w.e.l.l....but probably my brain and soul was tired and shocked....somehow my mind switched off, to protect itself from insaity. Vito felt asleep peacfully, so I kid myself that everything was allright. I talked to one of my best friends, who helped me a lot during our tragedy, and we convinced ourselves, that he maybe drunk a bit less in that hot day, he probably was dehidrated, that could be the reason of his symptoms.
I do not know what I would have been doing differently if I knew it would be our last night together. I do not know if it would have been better. I'm not sure if I could have kept myself. Maybe my switched off brain protected both of us.
On Monday I called up the vet, to ask about the skin bump histology result. It turned out to be nothing serious, thanks God.
I read a lot on the weekend about the side effects of Etoposide and its appropriate dose for humans, and I asked the opinion of our toxicology expert in our lab. He asked me to tell our story because he had some human oncology experience, but he knew nothing about hemangiosarcoma, that is mainly affect dogs, almost never humans, cats and horses. I told him the whole story, and when I said that the ultrasound 2 weeks earlier didn't show distant metastasis, he said, that US is not an imiging technology sensitive enough to consider Vito's belly clear. I was a bit shocked, but I didn't want to believe him. The webcam captured Vito sleeping in his couch peacefully. I went home at 2 to walk with him, he greeted me happily, but on the walk he seemed a bit sleepy...that was a hot summer day, so I didn't think that something was bad. Before leaving home as every day, I made pics about his gums, with and without flash. There was a series of pics about his gum color improvement (his treat was still the bloodproducing cookie). That day I didn't like the color of his gum. It seemed lighter rosy than last time. As soon as I returned to work me and my collegues tried to make sure that there was nothing wrong with Vito based on his gum color. They tried to convince me that I was paranoid...and that was so true by that time. After work I run home, and I gave him his dose, and we went to our regular evening walk with our friends. Vito seemed a bit tired, but he made the whole walk willingly. As the evening was still hot I could explain his behavior, but somehow I had a bad feeling. I didn't speak during the walk, I couldn't loose up for a minute. I checked his gums every other minute, and smelled his mouth regularly. Shit....I thought I feel the same smell of his breath than on the day of his internal bleeding. I was tense, worried and deeply sad...and I was tired as well, I spent all of my energy to try to keep my Love alive. It was strange, when we said goodbye to eachother, we didn't speak about our next day plans....we always did before. My friends carressed Vito before leaving, I think they also felt somewhere deep inside, that that was our last walk together. We went home, I gave him his dinner, he ate it with pleasure, he took his meds, and I asked him to go to bed. I was up at late night, checked his breath and his heart regularly. i felt like he had some arrythmia, and his breath was shortened. I...k.n.e.w...t.h.e.s.e....s.i.g.n.s.....w.e.l.l....but probably my brain and soul was tired and shocked....somehow my mind switched off, to protect itself from insaity. Vito felt asleep peacfully, so I kid myself that everything was allright. I talked to one of my best friends, who helped me a lot during our tragedy, and we convinced ourselves, that he maybe drunk a bit less in that hot day, he probably was dehidrated, that could be the reason of his symptoms.
I do not know what I would have been doing differently if I knew it would be our last night together. I do not know if it would have been better. I'm not sure if I could have kept myself. Maybe my switched off brain protected both of us.
22th of August
After a night full of worrying, the following morning started normally, I checked Vito's vitals and gave him his breakfast...thanks God, everything seemed OK. I restricted our morning walk to only 2 neighbouring streets. We walked slowly, although he seemed tired, he sniffed around and walked willingly. We arrived home, on the second floor he answered to his enemy behind the door with a growl, and when he arrived to our floor, he turned around, to get his kiss from me as usual on the last steps, but as he turned around, he staggered for a moment and he collapsed whining at the top of his lung, his body was tense, with rigid limbs, and he was unresponsive, lost his consciousness again. I flopped down to the ground, I brought him in my lap and I massaged his whole body telling "everything would be allright". I thought I was going to lose him right there in front of our door. About a half minute later (seemed an eternity) his body relaxed, the whining stopped, and a few moments later his tail started to knock on the floor, he was back. ❤️ I knew well THAT happened again, another tumor ruptured. He wanted to get up, but I asked him to stay a bit more in my lap, while I called my friend, to ask for a lift to the hospital. I brought him in and made him lay on his couch and stay, while I picked up things needed to the hospital. I packed his new fav toy and some treat with me...
I guessed I was right and if I was right and a recently grown tumor ruptured 29 days after the first surgery, and 2 weeks after that the ultrasound examination had found his belly clear, the best I could do for him was to understand that we have lost the battle, and I didn't ask him to continue fighting....for me....
His gums were pale white, but still was totally cooperative during the way to the hospital, and the examination....he didn't even had energy to bark at the vet (what he never missed before). I told the vet, that it seemed to be another rupture. The vet made an ultrasound examination, and he confirmed, that he had fluid in his belly again. He took sample from his belly with that well known huge needle, and the syringe was full of red fresh blood. He said, he could make another surgery trying to stop the bleeding (he was not sure he even could), but we will be here again within a month....that is how hemangiosarcoma looks like. They said the dogs usually die before their coat grows back on their belly after the surgery....As he stoped in the middle of the frase....I asked about our other possibility....as he hesitated I was, who finished his words... "letting him go".....he nodded silently.....I was totally lost in that dark world I considered eralier my home....I felt like I was an alien here....this could not happen to us. Not that early, not today...I asked for some time to make the decision, and he said, certainly, as much as I needed.
I went outside, told my friend that I might let Vito go today, he was shocked, started to cry inconsolably. Vito was used to see me crying, but have never seen him like this, he tried to comfort him immediately. My friend said he could not be there for us when we say goodby, so I called up one of my great friends, who immediately left work to be here with us. I received one more hour to think over and over again. I called up my mom and some of my friends, who loved and cared for Vito so much, and we discussed our possibilities all over again.
I was Vito's protector in all of our path together, as he was mine. He believed in me, and I had to brake my heart that day to protect him from further suffering, from bleeding out, from another pointless surgery, or let him to be totally alone, when the next, probably the final rupture happens. I made the decision....and this decision remains one of the heaviest load on my heart forever, even if pure love and the best intentions guided me.
I gave him treats during his first injection, and I hugged him as tightly as I could, and whispered to his ears how much I loved him, and that he was the best dog I've ever asked for, and surely on the Earth, and I promised him to save him, just keep believing me, while his legs slid down and he slowly fell into sleep. Maybe God gave me strength, or I don't know where else it was from, but I kept myself even during the intravenous heart stopping injection as well. I hugged his head tightly and kissed his face continously until his last breath, and when he stopped breathing inconsolable sobbing brust out of my chest and tears kept washeing my face....I could remain strong enough to accompany him on his last trip to the gates of Heaven. I've never thought I could ever do.
I lost that day my child, my love, my constant companion, my family, something ruptured in me also. My heart was divided, and the bigger part have gone with him forever. I do not remember much about the following 3 months...without my friends I would not have survived.
Vito (11.12.2006 - 22.08.2017)
Still love You to the Moon and back ❤️❤️❤️
After a night full of worrying, the following morning started normally, I checked Vito's vitals and gave him his breakfast...thanks God, everything seemed OK. I restricted our morning walk to only 2 neighbouring streets. We walked slowly, although he seemed tired, he sniffed around and walked willingly. We arrived home, on the second floor he answered to his enemy behind the door with a growl, and when he arrived to our floor, he turned around, to get his kiss from me as usual on the last steps, but as he turned around, he staggered for a moment and he collapsed whining at the top of his lung, his body was tense, with rigid limbs, and he was unresponsive, lost his consciousness again. I flopped down to the ground, I brought him in my lap and I massaged his whole body telling "everything would be allright". I thought I was going to lose him right there in front of our door. About a half minute later (seemed an eternity) his body relaxed, the whining stopped, and a few moments later his tail started to knock on the floor, he was back. ❤️ I knew well THAT happened again, another tumor ruptured. He wanted to get up, but I asked him to stay a bit more in my lap, while I called my friend, to ask for a lift to the hospital. I brought him in and made him lay on his couch and stay, while I picked up things needed to the hospital. I packed his new fav toy and some treat with me...
I guessed I was right and if I was right and a recently grown tumor ruptured 29 days after the first surgery, and 2 weeks after that the ultrasound examination had found his belly clear, the best I could do for him was to understand that we have lost the battle, and I didn't ask him to continue fighting....for me....
His gums were pale white, but still was totally cooperative during the way to the hospital, and the examination....he didn't even had energy to bark at the vet (what he never missed before). I told the vet, that it seemed to be another rupture. The vet made an ultrasound examination, and he confirmed, that he had fluid in his belly again. He took sample from his belly with that well known huge needle, and the syringe was full of red fresh blood. He said, he could make another surgery trying to stop the bleeding (he was not sure he even could), but we will be here again within a month....that is how hemangiosarcoma looks like. They said the dogs usually die before their coat grows back on their belly after the surgery....As he stoped in the middle of the frase....I asked about our other possibility....as he hesitated I was, who finished his words... "letting him go".....he nodded silently.....I was totally lost in that dark world I considered eralier my home....I felt like I was an alien here....this could not happen to us. Not that early, not today...I asked for some time to make the decision, and he said, certainly, as much as I needed.
I went outside, told my friend that I might let Vito go today, he was shocked, started to cry inconsolably. Vito was used to see me crying, but have never seen him like this, he tried to comfort him immediately. My friend said he could not be there for us when we say goodby, so I called up one of my great friends, who immediately left work to be here with us. I received one more hour to think over and over again. I called up my mom and some of my friends, who loved and cared for Vito so much, and we discussed our possibilities all over again.
I was Vito's protector in all of our path together, as he was mine. He believed in me, and I had to brake my heart that day to protect him from further suffering, from bleeding out, from another pointless surgery, or let him to be totally alone, when the next, probably the final rupture happens. I made the decision....and this decision remains one of the heaviest load on my heart forever, even if pure love and the best intentions guided me.
I gave him treats during his first injection, and I hugged him as tightly as I could, and whispered to his ears how much I loved him, and that he was the best dog I've ever asked for, and surely on the Earth, and I promised him to save him, just keep believing me, while his legs slid down and he slowly fell into sleep. Maybe God gave me strength, or I don't know where else it was from, but I kept myself even during the intravenous heart stopping injection as well. I hugged his head tightly and kissed his face continously until his last breath, and when he stopped breathing inconsolable sobbing brust out of my chest and tears kept washeing my face....I could remain strong enough to accompany him on his last trip to the gates of Heaven. I've never thought I could ever do.
I lost that day my child, my love, my constant companion, my family, something ruptured in me also. My heart was divided, and the bigger part have gone with him forever. I do not remember much about the following 3 months...without my friends I would not have survived.
Vito (11.12.2006 - 22.08.2017)
Still love You to the Moon and back ❤️❤️❤️